Book Review: My Isl@m: How Fundamentalism Stole My Mind–and Doubt Freed My Soul

A version of this blogpost appeared for: Foreign Policy Magazine 

A new generation of Sudanese are raising their voices to address an issue that’s central to their existence. It’s one that has been taken hostage by the ruling elites, the older generation, and a few academics, but never simplified for public consumption and opened up to wider participation. A debate that has been frozen in time. Namely: the debate on Islam and Identity.

There isn’t a more fitting moment to revisit and open this debate than today, because of its pressing relevance globally and locally--In Sudan, where 24 years of rule by fundamental Islamists led the country to the brink of imminent disintegration and state collapse. And where Islam and the Sudanese identity have been reconstructed through the narrow lens of Arabism and fundamental/political Islam. Hence marginalizing the majority in one of Africa’s most ethnically diverse countries.  

In his first book, that came out last month, entitled: My Isl@m: How Fundamentalism Stole My Mind–and Doubt Freed My Soul, the renowned 26-year-old, Sudanese blogger Amir A. Nasr (otherwise known as “Drima” in the blogsphere), courageously, eloquently and unapologetically asks the tough questions that many choose to lay dormant. In an autobiographical, yet deeply philosophical reflection that’s interwoven with storytelling, Amir goes through a painful and often treacherous journey in search for his “truth.”

Born to Sudanese parents who left Sudan shortly after he was born, in late 1986, Amir’s first stop was Qatar where he received his primary education that included an orthodox and dogmatic version of Islam with a heavy anti-Jewish/anti-Israeli accent. Although his parents are moderate Muslims, his school environment was far from tolerant and did not encourage his persistent questioning that was equated to the work of the devil and weak faith.

When his parents moved to Malaysia, Amir was placed in a Western International school where all his presumptions about his identity and the Islam he has been taught so far are put to the test. He allegorically refers to his relationship with Islam as “an arranged marriage” that took place without his consent. It’s a marriage that gradually moves toward divorce and ultimately culminates in reconciliation, at least of a sort.

Amir’s quest for his “truth” was one that primarily focused on empiricism and sound reasoning. One of the first and toughest questions he attempts to answer was, “[H]ow did Islamdom really lose her virtue?” His quest takes him to the ninth century and a war of ideas between two schools of theological philosophy. One that advocated reason, free will and an allegorical reading of sacred texts (Al Mu’tazila); and another that advocated tradition, predestination and a more literal reading of the Qoran (Al Ashariya). Eventually Al Ashariya’s school of thought prevailed because it got supported by the stronger political establishment of the time; and eventually became the predominant mode of thinking about and interpreting Islam. According to Amir, “this would later prove to be politically useful in getting the masses to accept their rulers whether just or unjust”, and to obey without much questioning. This is the Islam we have inherited today.

But his crisis of faith was not the only crisis he experienced. He was also simultaneously obliged to straddle multiple cultures and assimilate the culture of his parents with the cultures he has been immersed in to create what he calls, “a colorful culture of my own”. However, it wasn’t easy to reach that place. The drastic shift in his schooling and cultural surroundings  eventually made Amir feel: “sandwiched between two worlds, between two planes of existence: the Afro-Arab Muslim ingrained within me versus the liberal “Westernized” me. It’s a struggle I woke up to everyday”, he says.  

Feeling utterly lonely, Amir goes on a frantic search for answers in the place that is most natural for his generation to seek answers from: the Internet. Here he stumbles, by coincidence, on the diverse world of the blogosphere and comfortably finds a voice and a community; and starts to blog anonymously for six years where he goes “on a quest to learn and unlearn. To blog and to grow.”

It was in this virtual world of the blogosphere that Amir starts to feel that he is not alone, and that “an intellectual revolution was happening in the Arab blogosphere” where “Arab dissidents and political “heretics” of all stripes were discovering one another online and slowly forming a massive self-organized network”. The Egyptian blogsphere, for example, had prominent voices of dissent who later became known to the rest of the world at the height of the Egyptian revolution, such as activist and blogger, Ala’a Abdul Fatah and the anonymous blogger who went by “Sandmonkey”.

The American-Muslim blogosphere or the “Islamosphere” was another virtual space that was diverse yet accommodated, for the most part, respectful and non-dogmatic debate. This included the Pakistani-American blogger-turned-author Ali Eteraz, who authored a well-known blog at the time; as well as “the Salafis like Umar Lee, the Shia like Aziz Poonawalla, the African Americans like Tariq Nelson, the traditionalists, the modernists, the Sufis, the secularists, and even a few atheists who considered themselves cultural Muslims.”  

Later on, Amir also rabidly consumed content featuring the New Atheists–Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, and Daniel Dennet–and they too had a profound impact on his evolution.

Today, Amir considers himself a “science-affirming mystic.” That is someone who does not take doctrine and dogma seriously and is very critical of them. He puts a lot of emphasis on reason and evidential spiritual experiences of transcendence and their valid transformative effects.

This book is a gift to the generation that grew under the darkness of Sudan’s murderous regime (whether inside or outside Sudan)--the National Congress Party. It is a song to freedom of expression, freedom of thought and critical inquiry; and freedom from organized religion. It will shake the foundations of many Muslims who have never been exposed to Islamic/Eastern and/or Western philosophy; and will create a stir in a closed society like Sudan where the debate on religion, the secular state and identity has been stunned. And where the writings of Sudanese luminaries such as Mahmoud Mohamed Taha and Abdullahi An-Na’im; and more ancient Islamic philosophers such as Ibn Rusd (Averroes) are either banned or accessible to a minority of intellectuals. Although My Isl@m is appearing first in English, there is already interest from readers in the Arab world for an Arabic translation.

Moreover, this book will also resonate regionally and globally. For the countries of the Arab Spring that voted in Islamist regimes who are now clamping down on freedom of expression, this book is a treasure-trove that can equip normal citizens with an accessible counter-dialogue to Islamist rhetoric that populations in Islamic countries are rarely able to respond to, because the way Islam has been taught for centuries neglected reason, and stressed predestination. Hence discouraging questioning and critical thinking.

In My Isl@m, Amir is calling for a “revolt against the abusive dinosaur preachers of our times as required.” He argues for a paradigm shift in the way Islam is taught and understood. And this is a shift where Islam becomes open to reinterpretation, where reason has a higher place; and there is freedom to doubt, to think and even to disbelieve. More importantly, following the footsteps of the Sudanese scholar Abdullahi An-Na’im, he explains in a very accessible manner how Islamic theology isn’t holy or sacred, but is in fact man-made and has developed over time in certain ways due to socio-political factors, among others.

For the West, and its contentious relationship with Islam, My Isl@m offers a possible reconciliation of East and West through an acceptance that the rich philosophical traditions of both worldviews can lead to an “integral Islam” that marries the empirical, the rational and the spiritual. The story is also about the making of a “cosmopolitan” young, culturally muslim man; and how tolerance and empathy are characteristics that can be nurtured through a curious, inquisitive mind and an open heart.